Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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