You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
