We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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