Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
