After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
