just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
