I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
