Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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