How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
