My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
