i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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