Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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