I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Found the puke drawer
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
