So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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