They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
