her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
