i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They took my balls.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
