New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
