Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
