So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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