conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
