I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
