Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The ass gains better be worth it
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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