I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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