yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
