I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
zippers are such a cool invention
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
