i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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