just tell him i said nine months
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
