Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
