I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
