The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
