they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
