So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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