Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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