but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
