i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
