He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
