Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Blood and glitter go together right?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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