My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
