you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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