what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
