His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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