I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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