who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
