So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
