who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
