tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
