he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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