I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
