the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
