I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
