You just made me feel so damn special
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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