My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
