I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
