Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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