I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
