i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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