I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
