My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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