so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
