At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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