I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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