We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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