Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
