the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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