He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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