you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
