So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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