should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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