the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize