Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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