trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
