i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
