I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
