Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
