first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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