I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
