oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
