Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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