Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
