so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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