I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
