On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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