Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
